A short while after i had had a new baby, I was in church, in the Mothers (nursing) Lounge, with my baby. There are speakers in there so I could still hear the service. It was Fast & Testimony Sunday; a time when members of the congregation will fast for a specific purpose and the meeting is open for individuals to uplift others as they bear testimonies of Christ from the pulpit.
So I am listening, and i hear these two darling children get up start to talk, and I have this conversation in my head;
"Wow, they sound so sweet- sounds like one sister is helping the other know what to say. Awwww. They talked about how their family reads the scriptures. Geez, we need to really do better at that, my kids would never say that about us. I wonder what family they come from? I bet their mom is really together...who are these kids? Probably really pretty too-together moms always are...I'm the Primary (children's organization) Secretary, I should really know who they are...Ugh, there are so many things I need to do better..." and my mind went on and on and on at my inadequacies. Which, by the way, is the anti-thesis of what Fast & Testimony meeting is all about, but, like I said-I had a new baby and I'm sure that plays into it.
So I start with my baby back to the chapel and just as I'm about to go through the door, another mom turns to me and says "Did you hear your girls--they were so adorable up there helping each other".
I blinked twice, turned around once, and started bawling as I walked away. (not normal for me--new baby-remember?).
I didn't even recognize my own children's voices...I was feeling terrible comparing myself to--myself?
It doesn't get anymore absurd. It makes me cry now-over a year later. We can be so hard on ourselves. I consider that day a sort of slap-in-the-face gift from God, showing that I--all of us--are doing good enough, should cut ourselves some slack, and enjoy the simple gifts right before us in the form of our families. We are enough. We are OK. We are better than OK.
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