15 Things I Wish I'd Known 5 Years Ago

Recently, I was panicking about my effectiveness as a teacher (a typical response 4-5 months into the school year). I voiced to a friend, "I just wish I could see 5 years from now and know it was all worth it."

My friend said, "Well, you've been homeschooling for 5 years now, what would you tell yourself of 5 years ago?"

This hit me hard, and a beautiful feeling of awe and gratitude came. I pondered this for all of December and realized there were a lot of things that had only recently been happening in the structure of our daily lives that would have made things easier a long time ago.

I list them for my benefit, because I am guessing many have figured these things out already.

15 Things I wish I'd known/started 5 years ago:

1. Don't compare other's best to my family's worst.

Easier said than done, but I am trying to focus on the whole child and a variety of well-rounded subjects. They might struggle with some of the same subjects they do with me anyway were they in a traditional school setting--who knows? If my child is reading later that others, or not in PreK--it's OK. Pogress is so varied at this time, and I'm taking an intentionally different route.

2. Make a top-heavy day and relaxing evening.

I am a morning person and by 8 o'clock I am completely DONE. My husband has a varied schedule, so for most of the week I am on deck from 8am-8pm, with little reprieve. I am also an introvert and so being with 4 needy people (whom I love) all day leaves me feeling completely depleted by then, and cranky if there's any delay getting everyone to bed (there always is.) So, I gave up on an evening poetry  read-aloud or constructive handicraft circle around the cozy crackling fire (which we don't have). Instead we all take this miracle sleeping pill called "Leave it to Beaver" just before bed. Its void of stimulating colors, its pace is slow, and it shows people listening to their parents; it puts us all into a settled comatose feeling of security--perfect for sleep.

3. No screentime Monday -Friday.

Let me clarify, no screentime that they get to choose or ask for. On Friday they each get a card with 10 minutes repeated around the top and bottom,  for 60min a weekend. When they want to play a game or watch a show they bring it to me, tell me the time they are using, and we both set our timers. If they are late--I mark off an extra 10min. Before they can have screentime, they must vacuum their rooms and finish their schoolwork on Friday, and have done their Saturday chores the next day. Then my husband and I see what they've already done and there's zero arguing about it among themselves.
This gives us incentive to get outside more, which I should really do with them more--like daily.

4. 1 hour of Quiet Time a day.

I forget about this on busy days--until it's 7pm and I'm exhausted. I've had to decide what this time means to me, and concluded I want them reading for at least 30min, but mostly it's for my sanity to have us all apart for a while--sort of a spacer in our day...audio books are our friend...

5. Take personal time 5-8am.

My wonderful husband guards me from little people until 8am. During this time I write, shower, exercise, or maybe just sleep. Since he is gone most of the day, and once I am visible I am available--right, right?--this is another needed space that gives me the bit of solitary I need to carry me through the day. He is so much better at producing a warm morning where as I am more suited to a military drill method of waking children--no it didn't work well...

6. Have the kids make their own lunches every morning after breakfast.

We have these sort of bento boxes, a list of how to make a lunch, and several trays/containers/bins that I pull out for them to choose from. I check it before they put it in the fridge. They can eat from them pretty much anytime they want to and travel well. If we are  on the go I can just throw them in a bag or fabric cooler.

7. Multiple calendars are not redundant, but necessary.

My husband and I coordinate on google calendars, I detail my day in a paper planner, and a huge chalkboard calendar tells me general appointments at a glance. A separate school planner with a shopping list template plans our learning. In the summer I have a calendar for possible events, and another for what we will actually do. I like to calendar...

8. Weekly prep of 3 hours--alone.

I just can't do it effectively with anyone in the house--there are too many interruptions and my 3 hours turns into 6... Again, my wonderful husband has agreed to take the kids somewhere 3 hours every week so I can get abreast of the upcoming week and write out their assignments. *A membership to the Rec Center and a children's museum preferably 30min away is just perfect.

9. Plan meals ahead, shop for them every 2 weeks.

I don't have to explain this one either. It takes discipline but the immediate freeing up of not only time, but brain space has me sold.

10. Have one Kitchen Helper with me to make dinner every night 5-6pm.

Those who aren't Kitchen Helper do dishes afterward. I do this for a couple reasons;
 1-I get resentful if I am the only one doing the work that-let's face it- sometimes is unappreciated.
 2-Children eat better when they make it, if only because they see the effort it took.
 3-I like the company and I want them to feel comfortable in a kitchen and learn to cook.

All my kids have to be home by 5pm, then I am not chasing down people, and we are on schedule for bedtime (that magical time).

11. Take off December and 2 months out of summer.
Do a 4 day school week, with classes/field trips on the 5th day usually.

This is the first year we've done this and it made such a difference for me. Starting school in July or August isn't really that big a deal. In fact, it's a great motivator when friends are calling at the window to play- eh, he, he. Our home is 1300sq ft and we always get a real tree after Thanksgiving. By the time that's up and decorations are out  (ours are limited) and the kids drag out wrapping paper to wrap their gifts all 3x each (no joke) I'm ready to crawl the walls if I've got to navigate all that and do school. It just gets too crowded in our common areas. Taking that month off gave me necessary space in more ways than one.

12. 1 hour of teaching alone with each (older) child, each day.

We go in a locked room, with a table and the kids rotate through Watching Canary (now 4), doing Independent Work, or school with me. My Y6 and Y4 have their own planners to check off with me by 3pm.

13. Group time with quick rotations of 10-15minutes per book/topic.

These are accompanied by snacks and little art projects for Canary.

14. Daily Routine posted.

When we get off track (everyday) I don't play catch-up anymore. I just look at where we should be, and pick up there. Our day is scheduled according to energy and attention span and learning a new Math concept at 2:30 never works.

15. Wash all laundry on Friday, and then fold it Saturday morning.

It's the one thing I can completely space during the week and end up with piles everywhere. This has been working. I sort it and it must be put away and drawers straightened before screentime.

Again, I'm not saying any of these should be prescribed to solve all or even any homeschool problems of course, but thinking harder about my space, my circumstances, and my support has helped me come up with solutions for my family-

and it only took me 5 years?!

Life Skills

I have a love hate relationship with my washer and dryer.
After 9 years of marriage we finally had them in our own home. Luxury! Modern Marvels! Bliss...Until they stopped working.
First the dryer stopped moving. "I'm a smart person. I have a college degree. I can hot wire a car (not really) but if a 15 year-old can do it--how hard can it be? It's just a machine with parts and directions...to be found somewhere, I'm sure. And I can not go another week with dirty laundry."

Boosting my morale with sentences like this (especially the last) I did it. With a great YouTube home video (the Southern drawl eased my anxiety), and some duct tape I replaced the drum belt for $10 in 15 min.
Then 2 weeks later it stopped heating. This time my husband ended up replacing the thermostat for $50.
A few months later the washer stopped moving. We replaced the feed dogs for $10 in 5 min.

We saved money not needing a repairman or entirely new washer & dryer, but the best is yet to come.
A couple more months and somehow, a fully dressed clothespin doll fell from the craft shelf above, into the lint trap. But, from my earlier intimate dealings with the dryer, I was able to not only remain calm, but remove the back panels of the dryer and get it out in less than 10 min--then go on with life. Amazing. I had never repaired anything more than a broken hair clip before this, and here I was welding power tools like a pro! Life Skills at work.

Then a month later a spool of wire fell down the lint trap. Really? Is this a joke? Is some one trying to make a point?
Here, for your reading pleasure are

Helpful Sources  in Teaching Life Skills to Children:

 Life Skills for Kids by Christine Field is a thoroughly covers topics from Time Management  to Navigating the World without it seeming overwhelming.

The Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Browne Boyack has, in my opinion, a terrible cover that belies the powerhouse of information within. Her conversational message to parents is that we should give our children the opportunity to take responsibility and control of their lives early. Then they can make mistakes in the safety of our home, and not have to as adults when the stakes are higher, or--Horror of Horrors!--just opt for the safety of perpetually living with mom and dad FOREVER.

What Every Child Needs to Know Along the Way by Gail Martin, I need to check out.

"Family Work" is a thought provoking article on family work by Kathleen Slaugh Bahr and Cheri A. Loveless that has personally altered my thoughts on family and work. Go figure.

Ironically, it is the very things commonly disliked about family work that offer the greatest possibilities for nurturing close relationships and forging family ties. Some people dislike family work because, they say, it is mindless. Yet chores that can be done with a minimum of concentration leave our minds free to focus on one another as we work together. We can talk, sing, or tell stories as we work. Working side by side tends to dissolve feelings of hierarchy, making it easier for children to discuss topics of concern with their parents. Unlike play, which usually requires mental concentration as well as physical involvement, family work invites intimate conversation between parent and child.

 Adventure to Inspire has impressive and detailed lists of life skills to download. The checklists for obtaining skills, with privileges attached are pure genius.

The Art of Manliness has 31 life skills for men ranging from "Managing Your Online Reputation" to "How to Tie the Half-Windsor Necktie Knot". I smell cologne whenever I go to this site.

Habit Cards for the Refined

I got the idea from Our Learning Journey: A Journal for habit cards made with images from works of art and laminated.
If I were really cool, I'd have mine up on Google docs too. But i don't. Maybe someday.

So I scoured the Internet for pictures our family would like, my thinking being that if it's something we like to look at, we'll look at it...more.

So, the first day they were up the kids were very interested in reading the artist and titles. I still am.

Albrecht Durer was someone we had studied, and his detailed Praying Hands work perfectly here. Personally, I love his Rhinoceros more, but couldn't find a way to fit it into our day...

The Last of the Mohicans by N.C. Wyeth was a family favorite because we are part Mohawk (but those of us over 2 don't normally dress like this.)

Vincent Van Gogh makes a tidy Bedroom at Arles--even if his life was not.

We had recently read a children's version of Hamlet and found Ophelia's imminent death hilarious when paired with personal grooming. (insert carefree humming) And I wanted a Waterhouse...that wasn't topless.

Cezanne's Still Life with Compotier is a skewed and disheveled table--not still at all-- and appropriately, needing clean up.

The Wreck of the Covenant by N.C. Wyeth (from Kidnapped) makes bathing seem a delightful option, especially if you are recently shipwrecked.



Jessie Wilcox Smith of course, found her way into the mix more than once.

"But why do you have the Mona Lisa for 'Brush Teeth', mom? She isn't showing any teeth."

"And why not?...Because she didn't brush them and they look terrible--Let that be a lesson to you!"